So...

So... I quit blogging a year ago. My last post, Planning was dated June 4th, 2006:

I have never been one of those people who plans what to post in advance and/or posts them and saves them as drafts to be revealed later. But, over the weekend I have thought of a post I would like to make later. Stay tuned.

And then that was it. I closed my blog and I switched exclusively to a photo blog. "Stay tuned." Then nothing.

Why did I quit? Censorship is probably the biggest reason. It got to a point where I couldn't say what I wanted to say so I said little or nothing and every post was more vague than the next. Details were lost, hidden behind the reality of who was reading and the nonexistence of web anonymity. The funny thing is, I got so vague that when I went back to read entries, I don't know what I was talking about anymore. I don't want that to happen again.

So why am I starting a new blog? Old habits die hard, I guess. I blogged for 4 years; I've done web design for 10. I love my photo blog and will continue to post photos there, but it felt like a good time to start up a blog. Censorship is still an issue, maybe even more now than before, so I have created a new category for private entries. This category is password-protected and I have not yet decided who will be granted access. "Stay tuned."

[Sidebar: I do know what I was referring to in my final post last June, however now my views are very different. What a difference a year makes.]

So.. Christmas is just around the corner and I'm still not really feeling the holiday spirit. It has been an interesting year. Last year about this time was one of the hardest times I have dealt with, and in some ways I'm still dealing with. Instead of the happy glow and warmth of the holidays, I feel an emptiness, a loneliness and a longing for something I can not have.

I did my Christmas shopping this week and found some really good and fun gifts for my family. It's hard being poor, but I did pretty well considering I have seven brothers & sisters, two brothers-in-law, a sister-in-law, three nieces and a nephew. But, even the happy spark of finding the perfect gift (or several, actually) is diminished.

I don't want to be a Grinch, because I have always loved Christmas. The lights, the smells, the "peace on earth" feeling that makes everyone just a little bit nicer. I just think it'd be so much easier to celebrate if things last year had gone differently, if different choices had been made, if I hadn't been the one left behind.

I still have thirteen days, who knows what they will bring.

So.. you walk into a home improvement store (read: Home Depot), in search of irrigation drip system items. You have a basic idea of what you need, based solely on the bits and pieces of the original drip line that your dog has (lovingly) left all over the yard. You walk to the sprinkler aisle and you look around. Very quickly you realize you need assistance so you look for someone in an orange apron. "I will get one of the plumbing guys for you," the first one you see says. You walk back to the sprinkler area and continue looking as you wait. An unusually long period of time goes by, so you walk back out to the main aisle, and look around. Multiple orange aprons walk by, one finally asks if you need help ("Um, no. I just like to stand in the middle of your warehouse looking confused.") and you say someone was calling a plumbing guy to help.

Ten minutes later..

He shows up, you explain what you need and he picks up items to complete the project.

You go home, take out the items, find the pipe to plug the drip into, and discover... none of the items he gave you are correct. None of them.

Ok so is it just me, or would you think that 1) if someone is working at a home improvement store (read: Home Depot) they should have at least a LITTLE BIT of an idea of the products in their department? and b) if you have to wait 10 minutes for assistance, shouldn't the guy they send be super experienced with what you need?

After digging out the piece that needs replaced, and taking a brief look at what remains of the old hose, I quickly discovered that he sold me something COMPLETELY wrong and I got a good idea of what I did need. Back to the store I go, fuming at the time wasted. Then I get there only to stand in the returns line for 15 minutes because they only had one line open and a really dumb Asian man trying to return paint was at the front.

Eventually I made my way back to the sprinkler aisle and looked around. An orange apron came by and offered to help (NOT the same one, luckily for his sake) and this one actually knew what he was talking about. Finally with all items in hand, I got home to begin my project.

Because of the late start (curse you, first orange apron!) I didn't finish it today as I had intended. Hopefully tomorrow will go better, as Chloe will make a complete mess of things if muddy areas are left until next weekend.

So.. not everyone remembers their dreams, but I usually do. Not only that but I have dreams regularly, almost every night. Sometimes I only remember them for those brief moments between sleep and awake, and then when I open my eyes they are gone. Other times if I'm fast enough, I can grab a pen and paper and jot down every bit before it slips away from me. And still other times, I remember them and they never leave me.

When I was little, I had a recurring dream about the next street over. Everything about my dream was true-to-life; everything, that is, until I got to the part about the woman who lived in a doghouse with her children. She would bark at me as I passed and it scared me.

Ok, now that you are done laughing, tell me that a barking woman in a doghouse wouldn't scare you!

I also had a dream that took place in the church building we attended. The chapel was two stories high; along the back wall the second floor had a closed off room/hallway, where people could take their crying babies so they wouldn't bother others. I dreamed that I was up there, except the glass wall that separated the Cry Room from the chapel was gone, and a man from the church came and pushed me off and I fell onto the pews below.

Not all my dreams are scary, but it seems the most memorable ones are.

I've dreamed about people I care about, people I've lost, and people I don't even know. I've dreamed about things happening, going places, being different and yet still me.

Lately I've had one particular dream repeatedly, although not always exactly the same. The end result, the meaning is all the same, though the situation and setting are different. And although I have tried not to, I've started to wonder.. Is there meaning to dreams? Can a dream be a version of reality to come?

Maybe I've just thought that because I want this dream to be true. I want it so badly, more than I've wanted anything for a long time. I always wake up with the same feeling: first, a sense of peace and calm, and then a touch of sadness when I let myself realize it did not happen, and maybe never will. Every part of me aches for that dream to be real and it stays on my mind all throughout the day, this longing for what could be. But, wanting something doesn't make it happen, and dreaming something doesn't make it true.

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartache
Whatever you wish for you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true

So.. there are several things I can post about; most obvious would be meeting Ingrid, my future step mom. I'm still thinking about all of that.

But, what it all comes down to is WD40. Friday night I got locked out of my house. Leaving for dinner I locked the front door and the key got stuck. I called Ruth while I stood outside in the cold, jiggling my key. David and Teresa were sweet to drive out to my house with WD40 in hand. I was nervous that wouldn't work (and also annoyed that I had some just feet away - locked in the house). But, a few seconds after spraying the lock, the key turned freely and I could come in and comfort my poor puppy who had to endure listening to me sob at the front door for the past hour.

Tuesday I finally got around to changing the front porch light that has been out since before I moved in. I borrowed a ladder from Tom, who said I may have difficulty getting it set up. I did. So I tried WD40 again. Worked like a charm, the ladder now opens and closes with ease. Although changing the bulb was still an ordeal, since I'm terrified of heights.

So.. I can't take all the credit. Without Josh, I probably would have taken even longer, would have cried and/or screamed at least once and maybe would have given up in a fit of anger.

It's a long story and it involves blood and a trip to Home Depot for needle-nosed pliers, lots of gross water all over the floor and tons of dirty towels. In the end, all it took was a little duct tape.

But, the washing machine is fixed. We are so graduating Home Ec.

So.. there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. I have started requiring ten to twelve hours of sleep a night, and since I work an eight hour day and I drive forty-five minutes to an hour (each way) to work, this leaves very little time for anything else.

Besides being physically tired, I'm emotionally tired. I'm tired of people who lie to me, which I know I have posted about before. I'm tired of things not going the way I want them to. I'm tired of the holidays coming up and me not being ready. I'm debating a boycott.

Today was a long day. The rest of the week isn't looking too good either.

It's been a rough week, or two. I don't want to post about any of it, because I don't want to face any of it.

I'm not calling for a second chance
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don't give me choice
Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.

So.. I used to always say I wanted twins. After five days of having two dogs, I have changed my mind.

Having two dogs is more than twice as hard as having one. With just Chloe, it was easy to discipline, praise and play with her. It was easy to put her in time outs, and leaving her when I was at work was ok, besides the broken sprinkler heads and holes in the flower bed.

Now that we have Phoebe, everything is harder. When I discipline Chloe, Phoebe (who is timid from previous bad owners) gets scared. Chloe also has started trying to de-thrown me as leader of the pack. She has already shown Phoebe (who is twice her size) that she is the boss, and has started disobeying me to show that I am no longer in charge. It's not easy, because she actually is stronger than me and hasn't yet realized it. And I don't want Phoebe getting the idea that I am a mean "mommy."

I left them alone for a few hours while I went into the office today. Because it's a rainy day, I left them inside. I came home to the pet gate knocked down, an "accident" in the formal dining room and pieces of their toy basket all over the family room. Also broken: a tiny angel I made over 10 years ago that Chloe has tried to eat multiple times. I guess Chloe finally won.

I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to leave them outside in the rain, but I think I may have to. I can't come home to a huge mess every day. Because of Chloe's spay earlier this week, this was the first time they were really left alone. I don't know how we will all make it through the winter.

So.. as I reached for my jacket and wrapped a scarf around my neck, I thought "ok, it is officially Fall." And so it is.

So.. it rained today. While Chloe and I were out walking it started, a little more than a sprinkle. It felt good, cool and refreshing. Not long after we got back it got a little heavier. Chloe was outside, finally making use of the dog house I bought which all too soon will be too small for her. I let her in and we both curled up and relaxed in the living room.

But soon I felt bored. I think I was starting to get cabin fever. I have been home all week, working from home so I didn't spread my germs. I didn't want to watch tv or play on the computer. I was restless. I had wanted to mow the lawn today, but it was raining.

After walking back-and-forth through the house a few times (which by-the-way is too clean, I couldn't find anything to fill my time with - the floors are vacuumed and mopped, the counters are all wiped, dishes all taken care of, even my bed is made), I ended up putting on The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate, some caramel popcorn, and decided this, this! was the way to enjoy a rainy Saturday. (I know, this isn't active, but it was still enjoyable and somehow helped my restlessness.)

I will take a moment to stop while those who know me ponder why I was eating popcorn, since I have openly hated it for years. The truth is, over the last year, I have eaten popcorn on more than one occassion, although never very much and not very often.

When the movie ended, the rain had cleared so I mowed the lawn. This is now the fourth time I have mowed a lawn in my entire life. I'll admit that after the first two times, which were disasterous, the last two haven't been so bad. I think the secret is upkeep, because a shorter lawn is so much easier to mow than a longer one. There is something nice about looking out at the freshly cut grass, smelling that completely unique scent, and knowing I did this all on my own.

And that's something I have learned a lot over the past year and more specifically, over the past three months being a homeowner. I can do a lot more than I thought I could, and it's nice to look at what I've done and know that I did this, not someone else.

So.. mornings lately have been cooler, fall-like. I took Chloe out today and we walked the path that goes along a little creek in the neighborhood. It was cold, I was wearing a tank top and I was debating going back for my sweatshirt. I figured if I walked fast enough it would keep me warm, and after a while that proved to be true enough. There was mist in the air and a slight breeze. The only people out were those walking dogs, a few moms with strollers going jogging. If not for the houses and occasional car going by, I felt like I was away from the city.

The air was cold and clean and reminded me of when we used to go camping in Fort Bragg. We had our favorite campsites that were close to the beach, you could walk straight from your tent out to the path. And when you woke up it was cold and misty, just like today. The only thing missing was the salty smell in the air and the knowledge that hot cocoa was warming up on the stove when I emerged from the tent.

I miss the beach, camping. I don't know the last time we went to MacKerricher. The last few trips to Fort Bragg haven't been like when we were little when we would go every summer. I think we should go again. Until then, every morning as I walk Chloe I will pretend we are on our way to the beach and when I come home I'll warm up some cocoa.

So.. I wrote this song three years ago. It seems like so long ago, and yet lately, especially tonight, it feels like I wrote it three minutes ago.

Lying in the dark I think about you
The things that we both have done to tear us in two
We both are at fault, we're both to blame
But I've been hiding my feelings out of shame

I know you don't mean to put me down
But something's not right when I have to hide my frown
I'm not the girl that I used to be
Right now it's not like I'm even me

I can't be myself when I'm around you
You always push me down without trying to
And I can't see or speak or even breathe
You're choking me, you're smothering
I'm drowning

It doesn't matter what your intentions are
What you really mean or what's in your heart
The truth is what you're doing is slowly killing me
I feel so alone, why can't you see?

I can't be myself when I'm around you
You always push me down without trying to
And I can't see or speak or even breathe
You're choking me, you're smothering
I'm drowning

Even though I love you and I want things to be the same
I can't go on the way things are, pretending I'm ok

I can't be myself when I'm around you
You always push me down without trying to
And I can't see or speak or even breathe
You're choking me, you're smothering
I'm drowning

"Drowning" - August 2004
written by Debi Robarts

So.. the final installment of the Harry Potter series came out last month and I haven't even started it yet. I decided to go back and read the whole series before starting the new one for two reasons. One being, of course, that it will refresh my memory and second, that way I won't have so many people to fight with to borrow the book, since by the time I get to Book 7 everyone else will probably be done already.

I am in the middle of Book 4 and I've spent the time reading the earlier books thinking of what might happen in the end. I have said, since the beginning, that Harry should die and that Ron should be the one to have to kill him (to stop Voldemort, their connection). I don't think the author would do that, though, and I'm almost positive that Harry survives. So, switching thought trains, I tried to figure out what else could happen in the end. Please don't laugh at me at how wrong I am.

I started thinking about how in Book 6 we are introduced to horcruxes; how there were 6 or 7 (I forget how many?) pieces of Lord Voldemort's soul that he hid, to keep him alive. And then I started thinking about Harry and his connection to the dark wizard. And then it hit me. The very first chapter, titled "The Boy Who Lived." The Boy Who Lived. And it all made sense. He can't die, because he is the boy who lived. And, I started thinking about the scar, the trace of the curse that should have killed him. I don't know how it'll all fall together, I don't know what all it would involve, but the only redemption to Harry not dying in the final book is if his scar is a horcrux and that at the end of it all the scar will be gone and he won't have it anymore.

That is what I think. In the very first chapter Dumbledore even made mention to the fact that he wouldn't remove the scar even if they could, how curse scars can be very useful etc...

Now, of course, I may be way off, but if all the pieces fall into place, this makes sense. She has done well with foreshadowing in the past, I think, and this would make a good ending, although maybe not as heart-wrenching as Ron having to kill his best friend (while Hermione watches).

I will see when I get to the final book in a few weeks.

So.. I am stuck in my office.

I am working from home today; the couch I bought last summer was broken at some point, the recliner no longer worked on the left side. I finally got around to calling Becks to get it fixed, just in time. The warranty was good for a year from purchase and I called about 360 days after I bought it. Phew!

Not only that, but apparently the warranty is void after moving. Again, thankfully I called them about 10 days prior to moving. So, they finally got the parts in and came today to fix it. It took all of 10 minutes, and probably would have been shorter if he hadn't chit-chatted about how he has the same couch, and also discussion about his dog (a chocolate lab which he says is huge).

Since I had to wait for him to come today, and I had no idea if he'd be here closer to the 9am end or the 1pm end, I scheduled to work from home. And, since I am home, I felt bad leaving Chloe outside like she is when we are at work. So, I let her in the office with me, brought a blanket for her to lay on and something to chew on and set to work. She fell asleep. Asleep as in snoring. And now, I'm sitting here wanting to get up and eat, but I know if I do, she'll wake up. And I don't want her to. Much like a child, they look so sweet when they are asleep, don't they..? And staying out of trouble. And so I will wait til she wakes up and then I will eat lunch.

This reminds me of the guy at work who got locked out of his house yesterday. I still say he should have broken a window.

So.. do you ever just have a sense of dread? A feeling of foreboding, that something bad is about to happen, something is hanging over you and is about to fall? And even when you know what "it" is, you don't know when it will happen or entirely what the repercussions will be? And you can feel it, deep inside of you, this feeling of waiting.. waiting for the shoe to drop. And the longer you wait, the harder it is to breathe, and you feel it there, hanging.. almost like the cosmic void knows that just the waiting itself is tearing you up inside, possibly more than the actual event you are dreading even will.

I'm finding it hard to breathe this morning. I feel like I can't concentrate on anything because my mind keeps slipping back to this one place and the worry, the stress, the wondering. And sure, it'll all work out in the end, but at what cost? And when will this feeling, a feeling like someone is pressing hard against my chest so my lungs can not fully inflate, when will this go away and I can breathe easy again?

So.. I've quoted it here before. I quote it a lot in life ("Don't you think daisies are the friendliest flowers?"). And even though I often skip over it when saying my "favorite movies" lists, I should always include it in the Top 5. "You've Got Mail" is one of my favorite movies.

I watch it when I'm upset, when I'm lonely, when I'm angry, when I'm sick. I watch it because it makes me feel better and I can't put into words why. Something about the story, the way it's acted and written; the cutesy way of it all and how it all works out in the end. ("I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.") It makes everything ok, it relaxes me.

Last night I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't sleep. But, I put it on and..

I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you.

And I fell asleep.

So.. recently Josh and I were driving to work. We go the backways, because it saves time, but much of it is two-lane roads that big (slow) trucks use. Typically you can fly down these roads at 70mph or higher but when you get behind a truck, it's 50 or so until they turn. That is, until Josh introduced me to the wonderful rush that is passing on a two-lane road.

I don't think I had ever done it before. I was always scared - what if you go over and don't have time and another car comes?? Besides the danger of getting crushed, I also feared the embarassment of having to scooch back over to your position behind Mr. Slow Driver. But, if timed correctly, this regular driving skill can also be a fun pastime (don't be scared, Mom).

The first time, I only went when I was passing just one truck. I didn't want to attempt a multiples pass because, well if I failed, it could mean embarassing myself in front of that many more people. That is when I got the taste.

I tried the single pass several times. There is nothing better than that feeling of hitting the gas and flying past a slow truck, looking ahead to see how much room you have. Even better is when a car is in the distance and you feel that quick spur of "faster, faster!" I then moved on to doubles.

Early this week I graduated my class. It took 3 jumps, each being 3 to 4 cars, but I managed to pass the entire line and get ahead of the truck. Of course, I was assisted by someone in a larger car in front of me who would spot, go and then I'd follow. Maybe that's cheating. I call it tandem. All I know is that the rush I felt was one of the best I've had. Some people sky dive. I pass cars on a two-lane.

My way is cheaper.

So.. maybe it's P.F. Chang's fault. Maybe it's because I need more iron, as I've been told for years. I don't know. But I'm craving broccoli this morning, and I'm thinking the beef & variety is what I want.

We have leftovers in the fridge. But, seeing as how I ate the spicy chicken and the fried rice, I feel kinda bad going for the beef & broccoli as well.

One could argue, it is my birthday. But we went to Chang's to celebrate both our birthdays so I think that doesn't count. Just because his birthday is first doesn't mean I get dibs on all the good leftovers. It would be kind of mean to leave him with just the plain white rice.

So, instead, I will go have another slice of chocolate cake. Healthy, I know.

So.. my mom used to tell me that the people I talked to on the internet were only telling me about the parts of them they wanted to share. As I've grown up, I've realized more and more how this is true. Everyone has many different sides of them, versions of them they choose to share with different people in their life, all tailored to fit the people they are around.

Sometimes it is tiring because that person is so vastly different in each group and sometimes I fear the real me gets lost in the shuffle. Every time I hear this song (despite the very odd parts), this is what I think of, being able to sing a different melody than I'm always singing in the music box that is my life.

Life inside the music box ain't easy
The mallets hit, the gears are always turning
And everyone inside the mechanism
Is yearning to get out
And sing another melody completely
So different from the one they're always singing
I close my eyes and think that I have found me
But then I feel mortality surround me
I want to sing another melody
So different from the one I always sing

So.. today was a good day and to be honest, I think it's due to my hair. This morning I got up and did my hair and really really liked it. And that hasn't happened for over six months.

You see, six months ago I got a hair cut. A really, really, really short hair cut. And I looked like a lesbian. I haven't liked my hair since then, although I did stop hating it and just moved to dislike. Trying to grow hair is not an easy thing, it takes a long time and my calculations are that to get where I want to be, it'll take another year.

But Saturday I got my hair done and I always like the color right after it's done the most, because its super vibrant and pretty. And when it's freshly trimmed, it feels so soft and fun. So today was a good hair day. And that made the whole day nice.

So.. being from California, over the last few years I have heard more than enough about Indian casinos, and with the election coming up next week and four propositions on the ballot relating to gaming, I am ready to strangle myself if I see one more commercial about it. Honestly if I remember to vote, I'll vote yes on all four, because I think the revenues are good for the State. But still.

What I don't get is, when and why did the Indians decide that their only way of making a living was by opening casinos? I mean it's like, was there some Grand Council where the Chiefs all sat down and said, "Our people are starving and we can't live on these reservations the White Man has forced us into - I've got an idea, let's make casinos and take all their money, legally!" And what I love is that the times I have been to Indian casinos, I have seen more white employees than anything else.

It just makes me laugh to hear them say how this is the only way to help their people. How about giving your children an education, sending them to college and let them make their own money by having a career? How about that? That's what the White Man does. And the Black Man. And all the other Americans. I don't get what makes the Indians so different. If African Americans can get past the slavery (ok, some have NOT gotten past it..) and consider themselves just the same as the rest of us Americans, even running for President, why can't American Indians get over the whole taking their land thing and become normal members of our Society? Or is that asking too much?

As a side note, I went back to Atlanta earlier this month for work and we were able to go to the Georgia Aquarium on our last day. I have some really great photos I'll be posting on my photoblog just as soon as I have time to sit down and prep them.

I won't even try to go into anything I should have been blogging over the last months, nor will I apologize and explain why I haven't. Simply put, I'm busy and I don't have time to blog lately. I've had photos (great photos!) that I hadn't posted until finally tonight I got them up. Visit the photoblog to see another trip to Georgia Aquarium and Chloe's first trip to the beach.

Fingers crossed, knock on wood, whatever is lucky, things seem to be falling into place, finally. There is always something, but lately there is at least something making it all worth while.

And to make it all even better, it was 95 today according to the thermometer in the car! I do love this weather, although I got a sunburn working in the yard. Sunburn in April, I love California.

Joe's birthday is .. technically today. Happy birthday, Joe.

So.. today Chloe turned one year old. I can not believe how the time has flown by. It seems like just a few days ago I flew out to Oregon to meet her, held the 7-pound puppy in my arms like a newborn child and simply fell in love. The past week I have been looking at her old "baby photos" and thinking in amazement how much she has grown.

To celebrate, we met up with some of her favorite Dane friends at the dog park. She had a great time running around, and got a birthday bandana to wear that is adorable! Then off we went to the pizza place, where we had the patio area to all our us Dane lovers! Chloe was very good (I was surprised!) and spent most of the time making out with her "date," a beautiful brindle named Duke.

Now she's curled up in her bed, probably dreaming about her new boyfriend. All-in-all, a great way to celebrate her 1st birthday, and here's to hoping there are many, many more.

So.. my phone comes with unlimited pix and txt, and it's a good thing it does. I txt more than I talk; all day, through the night.

Texting is just so much easier than calling; short & sweet, to the point. And you don't have to reply til you want to. It's easier to avoid going out with someone you don't like, because between their txt saying, "want to hang out tonight?" and your reply back saying, "sorry, plans with friends" you can make those plans by texting a better option. It's not like if someone calls you are allowed to say, "can you hang on a minute while I call someone I'd rather hang out with, and I'll let you know if I'm free then?" Yeah. Doesn't fly over too well. Although it also doesn't give super thick-headed boys a hint, either.

The other best thing about texting is that you can send pics (and videos!) which can be highly entertaining. On the phone you can try to describe something going on, but via txt you can send that picture right along, and afterall, a picture IS worth 1,000 words.

Texting while driving ("TWD"), however, is not a good idea. I got in a slight accident yesterday due to this, but no one was hurt, no harm done to either car, and the woman was super nice, swapped info and said she'd let me know if she noticed anything but "everything seems fine!" and drove off. Yay for people who don't try to make a big deal out of nothing (seriously, we were going less than 5mph, the light had just turned). Anyway, TWD is actually worse than driving while drunk, so I'd suggest to all to try to cut that habit - even if you don't live in California where it will soon be illegal.

And little makes this girl feel better than to hear that sound of a new txt (or, the rumble of the phone on vibrate, as it has been for a few weeks now because I got tired of going back-and-forth when I was at work/home) and seeing a message like, "Happy Friday." Now that, my friends, is the way to start a day at work.

Txt, it's the new black.

So.. Chloe and I get together with other Great Danes in the area for weekly meet ups (and our "mini meets" with a couple Danes closer to home during the week). Typically our meet ups are just at various dog parks in the area, but they also do hikes on trails now and then. We had never participated in any of these, due to timing and other committments, but we finally were able to attend a nice hike in Auburn. And, maybe because I got a sunburn recently working in the yard, I put on sun screen.

And not only that. I was the girl who had sunscreen in her pack, to let another person use when she realized she needed some, too.

The walk itself was fun, about 2.5 miles round-trip. The only negative was it was HOT out and there wasn't a ton of shade. But before we turned back, we went down to the water where it was nice and cool. Too bad the whole trail isn't closer to water.

So.. sometimes I feel like the guy on the Kleenex commercial, the guy with the blue couch and the box of tissues and people sit and tell him their stories, and they cry and he listens. Except, I'm not sitting out there inviting people to come up and tell me their life stories.

People will come up and make the usual comments. "That's the biggest dog I have ever seen." "Is that a Dalmation?" "How much does she weigh?".. The list goes on. And then, you'd think after they pet her, got their stupid (and often uneducated) comments out of the way, they'd walk away, letting us continue on with whatever we were doing.

No. Somehow they start talking about all the pets they have ever owned or known. And you'd think ok, sure. My dog reminds me of their dog. But then they start talking - dead serious, this happened on Sunday - about the dead animal they saw on the side of the road that morning. Um. Do you really think I want to hear that??

I just don't understand how me taking my dog for a walk out in public somehow makes people think I want to hear about their life story and stand and listen to them. I'm out for a walk, not to stand out here with a stranger I don't care about.

Anyway, the only thing I've figured out that works is to just walk faster and try to get away before they can make their comments. Or maybe I should start saying to people, "Yes, yes she does bite. Stay away."

So.. I fell asleep on the way home from work today*. I dozed in and out for the whole drive, exhausted. I don't know why I was so tired, I had gotten a fair amount of sleep, but there I sat, too tired to stay awake. The few times I did pop into consciousness, I kept thinking I have a ton of work to do when I get home, so I better not go lay in bed and sleep.

Luckily (for the sake of the work I had to do) by the time I got home, I was awake enough to put in four hours of overtime and do the dishes. The problem? Now I'm not sleepy. Tired? Yes. But I can't sleep. I get like this, like my sleep schedule is way off. I will find myself unable to sleep for the life of me, but I'm so tired I can't use the time awake for anything productive. And then after I finally do sleep, I wake up still tired, but a day ahead of me full of more work to do.

It's a terrible place to be in and I don't understand it at all. I used to be the type of person who could get away with just a few hours of sleep a night, and then somehow I morphed into a ten-hour-a-night sleeper. At one point it flip-flopped back and forth, either I needed nine to ten hours (or more!) or I could be fine with six. Now it seems regardless of how much or little I sleep, I'm tired and my brain doesn't work right.

Maybe it's too many hours working, maybe it's too much stress over things in my life. Instead of changing all that (hey, why take the easy answer??) maybe I will try to exercise more, that's supposed to help with both more energy and sleeping better, isn't it? Plus, I do need to work on future marathons...

*Josh was driving, don't worry.