So.. Christmas is just around the corner and I'm still not really feeling the holiday spirit. It has been an interesting year. Last year about this time was one of the hardest times I have dealt with, and in some ways I'm still dealing with. Instead of the happy glow and warmth of the holidays, I feel an emptiness, a loneliness and a longing for something I can not have.
I did my Christmas shopping this week and found some really good and fun gifts for my family. It's hard being poor, but I did pretty well considering I have seven brothers & sisters, two brothers-in-law, a sister-in-law, three nieces and a nephew. But, even the happy spark of finding the perfect gift (or several, actually) is diminished.
I don't want to be a Grinch, because I have always loved Christmas. The lights, the smells, the "peace on earth" feeling that makes everyone just a little bit nicer. I just think it'd be so much easier to celebrate if things last year had gone differently, if different choices had been made, if I hadn't been the one left behind.
I still have thirteen days, who knows what they will bring.
