So...

So.. I have spent the last week trying to decide how to write this post. I don't know what to say, partially because I still don't know what is going on. I have never been one to do "do-overs" - I figured if you broke up once, there was a reason for it. But, for some reason, I want to give us another chance.

I keep telling myself, against the warnings of my friends, that it was the timing last time around, the situation, more than either one of us. I know neither of us handled things well at all, and I guess I want to think we've both changed over the last six months. All I know is that I like when I am with him.

I don't want to jinx it right now. I don't want to over think or analyze any of it. I just want to be.

So.. I used to always say I wanted twins. After five days of having two dogs, I have changed my mind.

Having two dogs is more than twice as hard as having one. With just Chloe, it was easy to discipline, praise and play with her. It was easy to put her in time outs, and leaving her when I was at work was ok, besides the broken sprinkler heads and holes in the flower bed.

Now that we have Phoebe, everything is harder. When I discipline Chloe, Phoebe (who is timid from previous bad owners) gets scared. Chloe also has started trying to de-thrown me as leader of the pack. She has already shown Phoebe (who is twice her size) that she is the boss, and has started disobeying me to show that I am no longer in charge. It's not easy, because she actually is stronger than me and hasn't yet realized it. And I don't want Phoebe getting the idea that I am a mean "mommy."

I left them alone for a few hours while I went into the office today. Because it's a rainy day, I left them inside. I came home to the pet gate knocked down, an "accident" in the formal dining room and pieces of their toy basket all over the family room. Also broken: a tiny angel I made over 10 years ago that Chloe has tried to eat multiple times. I guess Chloe finally won.

I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to leave them outside in the rain, but I think I may have to. I can't come home to a huge mess every day. Because of Chloe's spay earlier this week, this was the first time they were really left alone. I don't know how we will all make it through the winter.

So.. as I reached for my jacket and wrapped a scarf around my neck, I thought "ok, it is officially Fall." And so it is.