So... the worst part about relationships is the power they still have over you long after the break up. I hate that songs are ruined, movies are messed up and now, even one of my favorite t-shirts is tainted. He said it was cute, and that he loved it. Every time I wore it, he put his hands up and growled this adorable growl. I wore it the day he made me very, very late which was a good day. I wore it the night I went to his house to return his things, the night we talked and I cried and he said he really did care for me, but the timing was bad. When I wore this shirt, I used to think of fun and cute things, like Jared saying "Bumble." Now I think of sadness.
It's not just the shirt, it's everything we ever did together. It's the songs we loved, the places we went, the movies we saw. It's his hobbies and his personality. I see him everywhere, I remember "us" all the time. And I know our relationship wasn't good, I know he's not the one for me, and yet.. I find myself thinking about all the good times in our relationship. Why can't I make myself focus on the bad things, make myself realize how much better off I am now? But somehow, my heart is blind to that side of it.
I hate that I'm such a girl and can't just pick up and move on. I hate that if he showed up again, I would probably want to see him again. And the thing I hate the most is that I don't really hate him, even when I say I do.
